I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
