My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do vagina's smell?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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