just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
