Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
