we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize