puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
