she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
