shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
