did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
