I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
