Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
kristin has been a bad kristin
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
