VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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