i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
