i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
