do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
