Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left an ass print on the piano.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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