would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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