We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
