omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
