I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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