I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
