my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
