it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
