Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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