Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
