I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
