Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize