Who wears a wallet chain?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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