Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
