How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
