you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
