I heard we made out
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
