I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
