I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
