im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
