I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
