Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
