Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
