Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
