I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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