its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
