You're completely useless in the revolution.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
