I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
