Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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