Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
