Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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