I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize