In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
