last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
