walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize