Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
