So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
