If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
