Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
