Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
