The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize