Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
