I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
