oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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