Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
