So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
