my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
