You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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