Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
