Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
