from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
