Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
