Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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