Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
