one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
