Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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